Frustrations, Frustrations and More Frustrations

I decided to given this entry a tittle. But looking at the title, I guess many would have expected it.

Nevertheless, I will still blog about it.

I was given the opportunity to lead a project. It is simple and small but big results are the target for the department. This is a big opportunity for me. If I make it, I will do well than now.

I was looking for materials for the project and hopefully to be inspired in the midst of the process so that I will get more ideas. Well, yeap, I got very stressed and frustrated.

I started off well. I impressed many with something that I thought was just a simple email. I thank Allah that I have that talent and groomed by my Creative Guru. I am amongst the creative ones in the office. *Confession: I feel that I am second to my Creative Guru. But I may be wrong.*

I applied was being taught to this project. My biggest challenge is managing people. That was the first thing that hit my head when I was told to co-chair this project. I managed to squeeze my brains to plan and strategize. But strategizing is my no. 2 biggest area which I need to look at. I got so nervous the day before the meeting that I went to Mentor 2 for consultation. I asked Mentor 2 for some advice on managing people. I thank Allah that she was very kind and very helpful. I was or should I say, I am still at lost on managing people. A bit of a cculture shock for me.

'Cause the position I am holding now, very junior position. To switch from doing the work to leading the work is pretty shocking for me. And so the first meeting and beginning of the project went well.

I managed to consult Mentor 1. yes, she was amongst those who were impressed. *Oh thank you Allah* I love her for this. She educated me a lot in soft skills. Too bad I'm not in her team. She told me many. Yes, I am comfortable with her that I can share many things.

These are reminders for me:
- There is no need to please others but there is no need to offend.
- This project can either make you or break you.
- This project gives you the opportunity to learn on how to manage people.
- Before any meeting, must plan *I knew this, I even rehearse mentally*
- Monitor, Follow-up
- Once there is improvement, it does not matter what my bosses and others think cause I've done it.
- Have fun in everything you do.
- Don't do it to proof my boss wrong.
- Think of my team and learn from the process.
- Must check "blind spot".

Now, I am so lost on the next step of this project. I am really trying very hard to apply what was advised to me. I am very frustrated that I do not know my next move. Usually I do know what I want and what to do. But this project is too much of mental challenge.

I know I can do it. I know that there are key people in this project. I agree that I am being "gan cheong spider" but I am left with three weeks or less to put up everything and turn myself arouond.

So what? So what if I got three weeks? Why am I not up to the challenge? So what if others hate but ultimately I can do it? I know I can. I have to be positive about it. I am positive about all this.

I must have fun.

ahmar

Fame! i wanna live forever!

fame is such a good song. itching in my head.

oh well.. made plans for the weekend but no can do.. gotta stay home help momma.. haiz.......
i've been pretty anti-social for quite a long time now and i'm getting into the comfort zone..

comfort zone are bad for me.. cause it means no growth or development..

bad.. bad..

my friend has not reply my msgs.. d

4th Sept 2009

Dinner with pinkz.
I had to admit that it was a bit of a disappointment. Wolverine had to cancel the dinner at around 5.50pm. Called by his boss to fly to Darwin and his flight was at 10pm.

Yes, he owe us dinner.

But it was great meeting up with the rest though. We are not always together but we are going through the same situation. All are job hunting.

Was watching Pinkiez I made sometime back, made me miss them a lot more. Uploading the video now and to share with them again. It is amazing how each of us are fated and have some connection in the past and we all meet in SIM.

I love my Pinkiez.

Niwei.......

I have always been in the dark about my past. After what has happened to my family, I felt that I just can't look back and forgive anything that happened or anyone who has made a mistake. I feel that I have lost every single one of my friends whom I have known back in poly. Maybe except for one or two. i feel that I am still not ready to meet the world or to try new things. This is not me. I don't know why I feel so scared to face the world. I have been avoiding gatherings, weddings etc. I am scared that people would still be competitive. I have changed a lot. Doesn't everyone?

Yes, I am more vain now. I am the opposite of who I was back then. I am more scared of things and I still can't bring myself to face the world.

Yesterday, I text one of my friends asking how he was. Again, I feel that he is gone. I am sad. Sad that I realized that there was never any friendship to begin with. You know who you are. If you are reading this, I really don't know what I have done to you. I've always treated you as my good friend and not more than that.

I should just give up being in touch with the past. I do miss all of you. Yes, every single one of you. It is my fault that I am still scared of the world and still not ready to meet anyone.

I'm sorry.

aisah

OOOOoooo

It's been ages since i last rant.

Anger..

I got loads of them..

Kakak said that she had lots of anger when she was my age..

I'm starting to cool my anger off..

I shall take a day at a time..

Even if it's difficult, I must try..

The moment I got a new job, *BAM!* I'm leaving the Company..

May this Ramadhan help me through this tough journey.. I gotta be brave to face it..
By Allah's will, I will do well this Ramadhan.. Amin..

Anywayssssssss..

I was told a piece of news which I do not know how to take it..
To be positive makes me evil,
To be negative, errrmmm, not so good to be negative eh..
My instincts are telling me to be positive about it but the last time I was positive about something like this, it went down south.. I have not told anyone about this and i plan to keep it that way.. Readers, if you are confused, I am doing a good job.. hehe..
"Two loves i have, of comfort and despair.. Which love do you suggest me still.."

Only by Allah's will that my prayers will be answered.. Oh how I am so impatient! I have got to learn to be very very patient..

Well, maybe for once i shall shut up.. Am I shutting up?
hehe..

I gotta go to bed now.. Tomorrow a new day, same shit..

Oh Allah pls bless me and protect me form harm..

Amin....

this has been the cruelest month i've ever faced.

here my mum confiding to me with all her sadness, but does not want to do anything about it despite me giving her suggestions and plans..

my sister have been hard on me too but she does not listen to my mum as well.. when being corrected, she would never admit..

the least that ppl can do is listen and understand me.. i feel that i do not have a family.. all they want when they look for me is money..

i have been very very very extremely tired cause of work and family.. i have not gotten a break..

i feel like ending my life

MJ passed away and many remembers him..

but i bet when i go, many wont give a damn..

aisah

ya know, it's hard to be the eldest daughter in the family. i have to be there in all crisis.

and at this very moment, i am absolutely stressed up.

i'm stress bout work, bout friends and my family.
my dad has never gave my mum any moral support. just an hour ago, we had mother-daughter talk and she teared talking to me. it really breaks my heart to see mummy like that. she could only talk to me because she knows that i am the only one at home who understands her.

i really can't take this pressure anymore. i dont know what else i can do to ease my mum's depression. and here i am at the verge of breaking apart.

Oh Allah, pls help me.

ahmar

It has been a tiring week. I have been taking cab to work every single day. *gasp* My wallet is at red alert now. Luckily i have some savings. But i have got to save more. Too many things i have not done and work is getting really bored. The volume is 100-storey high and no improvements from management. Anyway, i must bear in mind to save more. It is not about being cheap. In this economy and high-prone natural disaster world, we have to spend less and think of the rainy days. Thank Allah i have not been shopping a lot lately. My shopping spree has cut down to at least 50%. hee hee.. gosh i miss those days. I dont have the storage anyways..

Friday was a very sad week for me. My confidante, mentor, guru etc has resigned. The two of us felt so much for each other that we cried instantaneously the moment i gave her a goodbye gift. We did not have to say a word. We just teared and she teared when she say goodbye. I am going to miss her a lot. She was one of the reasons i stayed with my job. Now I really got to take care of myself in the office. Bullies are all over. They are all over like ants. EEewwww.. that includes the two bosses. I dont even wanna akcnowledege them.

Today, Sunday, my first family day with the Company. Once again, my banner made me feel happy. They were forcing me to wear T-shirts but gosh the weather was very very hot and burning. We had fun with the waters *hee hee* and taking pictures and of course cheering for our business banners. It was hell of a fun time. Ooh OOH! Don't forget the kids. So adorable. One of them got lost. haha. Long story. All the cheerleaders were great.

I was looking at the pictures taken by Amber and gosh i desperately need to lose weight. So what if i got the hourglass figure? I am oversize. Goodness. Ok I know, I have been in denial but there are so many good food around.. Haizz.. First step, say no to fried food, esp fries. hehe..

I will fast well this year. Amin. With Allah's blessing, HE will consider granting my wishes. Good health and prosperity and loads of blessings. I'll be very happy to get one of those from HIM. But Allah, may i get the loads-of-blessings? Only HE knows. Amin.

Ok Ok.. Strategy now. Food are good. Good food brings good mood. Hee hee.. See the connection? Ok Ok.. maybe i should eat more sushi and double my fruits and vege intake. Take the stairs whenever my back is not aching. Eat Less, Walk More, Exercise More. hehe..

I can Do IT!!

Good bye-bye fries.. Good bye-bye KFC.. Hello KFC salad.. Good bye-bye MacD.. Good bye-bye fried food. All in the hips.. Yeah mE!!

ahmar