this has been the cruelest month i've ever faced.

here my mum confiding to me with all her sadness, but does not want to do anything about it despite me giving her suggestions and plans..

my sister have been hard on me too but she does not listen to my mum as well.. when being corrected, she would never admit..

the least that ppl can do is listen and understand me.. i feel that i do not have a family.. all they want when they look for me is money..

i have been very very very extremely tired cause of work and family.. i have not gotten a break..

i feel like ending my life

MJ passed away and many remembers him..

but i bet when i go, many wont give a damn..

aisah

ya know, it's hard to be the eldest daughter in the family. i have to be there in all crisis.

and at this very moment, i am absolutely stressed up.

i'm stress bout work, bout friends and my family.
my dad has never gave my mum any moral support. just an hour ago, we had mother-daughter talk and she teared talking to me. it really breaks my heart to see mummy like that. she could only talk to me because she knows that i am the only one at home who understands her.

i really can't take this pressure anymore. i dont know what else i can do to ease my mum's depression. and here i am at the verge of breaking apart.

Oh Allah, pls help me.

ahmar

It has been a tiring week. I have been taking cab to work every single day. *gasp* My wallet is at red alert now. Luckily i have some savings. But i have got to save more. Too many things i have not done and work is getting really bored. The volume is 100-storey high and no improvements from management. Anyway, i must bear in mind to save more. It is not about being cheap. In this economy and high-prone natural disaster world, we have to spend less and think of the rainy days. Thank Allah i have not been shopping a lot lately. My shopping spree has cut down to at least 50%. hee hee.. gosh i miss those days. I dont have the storage anyways..

Friday was a very sad week for me. My confidante, mentor, guru etc has resigned. The two of us felt so much for each other that we cried instantaneously the moment i gave her a goodbye gift. We did not have to say a word. We just teared and she teared when she say goodbye. I am going to miss her a lot. She was one of the reasons i stayed with my job. Now I really got to take care of myself in the office. Bullies are all over. They are all over like ants. EEewwww.. that includes the two bosses. I dont even wanna akcnowledege them.

Today, Sunday, my first family day with the Company. Once again, my banner made me feel happy. They were forcing me to wear T-shirts but gosh the weather was very very hot and burning. We had fun with the waters *hee hee* and taking pictures and of course cheering for our business banners. It was hell of a fun time. Ooh OOH! Don't forget the kids. So adorable. One of them got lost. haha. Long story. All the cheerleaders were great.

I was looking at the pictures taken by Amber and gosh i desperately need to lose weight. So what if i got the hourglass figure? I am oversize. Goodness. Ok I know, I have been in denial but there are so many good food around.. Haizz.. First step, say no to fried food, esp fries. hehe..

I will fast well this year. Amin. With Allah's blessing, HE will consider granting my wishes. Good health and prosperity and loads of blessings. I'll be very happy to get one of those from HIM. But Allah, may i get the loads-of-blessings? Only HE knows. Amin.

Ok Ok.. Strategy now. Food are good. Good food brings good mood. Hee hee.. See the connection? Ok Ok.. maybe i should eat more sushi and double my fruits and vege intake. Take the stairs whenever my back is not aching. Eat Less, Walk More, Exercise More. hehe..

I can Do IT!!

Good bye-bye fries.. Good bye-bye KFC.. Hello KFC salad.. Good bye-bye MacD.. Good bye-bye fried food. All in the hips.. Yeah mE!!

ahmar

urgh!! great singapore sale is here!! so much to shop so little money!! haiz.. i cant stop planning for my travels and kept forgetting i need to save some substantial amount of moolahs for rainy days.. what i have saved so far is not enough.. there can never be enough money and there can never be enough shoes!!!!!!!! must have shoes!! must save moolahs!!

i have to set my priorities straight.. MUST SAVE MONEY!! i gotta get back my old self.. the one who is thrifty.. hehe.. i was loaded back then.. i can travel anytime i want.. the $$$ +++ were there.. all was wealthy till i met "shopping'.. the art of shopping is so B.E.A.you.tee.FOoL.. I should've read the fool part..

i gotta stop shopping.. i gotta start saving, especially with this kinda poor economy..

talking bout poor economy, to all my fellow muslims and malays out there, pls do not get carried away by frivolicious and luxurious wedding.. mummy was listening to an interview with a wedding planner.. she mentioned that despite the poor economy, weddings amongst malays are still the high side.. as a wedding planner, she took account the budget of newly-weds-to-be.. some of them want such a grand wedding and "hotel" standards but she find it not realistic as the wedding still going to take place under the void deck.. and there are some couple who wanted everything and everything but still paying the bill/ not able to pay the bill because of the extravagant wedding..

i was very supportive of the wedding planner the moment she mentioned void deck.. i do not understand why malay wedding has to be extremely high profile, *could be a negative externalities to others*, but it was held under the void deck.. these weddings usually cost $10k per side.. with $10k, you could top it up a little bit more and take your degree, you could go europe, you could invest but NO! they would rather spend on a day of some stupid wedding celebration.. *i rest my case*

i am very assured that i wont be doing that or at least having my wedding under the void deck.. honestly, i find it pretty embarassing to be wed under the block.. *sheesh*

anyway couples fight and you will be thinking why in the first place you had the big wedding and end up fighting?

think about it

ahmar

i feel "light" and a little relax now and have finished my report. that's cause i ironed my clothes early today. yeah!! so free today that i have been thinking, yes again, about work. i have been asking myself questions that made me feel negative. i thought that i've thunk too much (hee hee) but then again, i realized that the asst hr manager loves to tai chi work. she's yet another lazy pig and yes, she looks like a pig. still young and yet so aunty. goodness!! her english is so bad that i thought it was a joke each time i read it.

anyway, getting back at being negative. i dont remember being such a negative person growing up. i realized that i have so much frustration at work that i have turned extra rebellious and negative towards my colleagues. well, let's not forget that i have a very kay-poh colleague and an insecure-rubbish-talker-who-cant-work-scared-of-and-doesnt-want-to-learn-technology-matured-and-very-old colleague. boy that was the longest description i've ever written *hee hee* .. i dont feel motivated at all working with my colleagues. thank god that there are other people who adore and love me. *god bless them for making my stay long*

i'm still trying to find myself in the working life. my director made a "public" comment in front of all HR-ians that "we should have HR Toastmasters club and aisah should be in it cause she loves to talk" .. That doesnt sound good but at the same time very motivating cause i'm recognized. i'm not that another worker in the office. i felt like a team player. *see, im smiling already*

smiling, yes.. already i'm thinking and organizing my thoughts on what i'm going to do tomorrow at work.

after the sharing session on the HR Summit, i felt motivated to move on. I want that positive aisah i used to be. I know i'll be just that cause that girl hasn't grown up.

LET'S BE POSITIVE!!

ahmar

My Jakarta trip with colleagues went well. So well that none of us want to go back.
A summary of our itinerary:

Reached Thursday night had supper by the roadside *forgot name of place*. We ate Nasi Uduk. Boy the food was GGOOoooooodddDDD!! XD

Friday:
Swimming lah can? shopping, eating every 2hours (A&W!! yummylicious can or not?!), shopping again and foot massage

Saturday:
Swimming lah can? shopping again lah eat some lah.. dinner with Mbak Iming's family in a fancy Indonesian Restaurant, shopping and eating lah can?

Sunday:
Full body massage (excuse me this is the Ultimate Highlight of the trip lah!) So shiok man.. And returned home.. haizz.. i wish i have a tai-tai life.. heee heee..

Praying hard trip to Cambodia is a success..
Jun & Aug to KL..
December to Solo..
I shall start with small trips..
Mar 09 - Perth with family
June/July/Aug - Go back Jakarta (balik kampung)

Very tired now..

Gotta go to sleep..

May Allah guide us all..
Amin......

ahmar